We all have our guilty pleasures - mine is watching television cookery shows. There are all sorts of reasons why I enjoy them, but apart from the food, I am mesmerised by the chefs and their passion for culinary delights. Whether you love or hate cookery programmes, they are on all the time, so demand for them must be high – though I’m not sure if it is demand for the recipes or the demand for good-looking, personable chefs that is their main appeal. It seems that almost every chef on television has a feature or gimmick that makes them unusual – the days of sweet, innocent Delia are over - the big guns have moved in.
Culinary personalities like Nigella Lawson, Nigel Slater and Giada de Laurentiis have taken food and its consumption to a whole new level of meaning. Their programmes have crossed over from factual cookery demonstrations, to almost ‘food-porn’. No effort has been spared by their overtly sexualised acting skills to arouse their audience to such an extent that they go out and purchase the book to accompany the series. It is well-known that sex sells and, in the case of Nigella in the UK and Giada in the US, their sexy appearance and suggestive consumption of food has made them household names.
That is not to say that you cannot enjoy watching these chefs, who themselves become aroused by delectable ingredients or the latest gadget. On the contrary, at least they give an extra dimension to the somewhat dull cookery process and entertain those of us who are too lazy to go and cook for ourselves.
The irony of some programmes is that they can actually put you off eating, let alone cooking. Of all the shows I could choose from, my favourite diet-inducing programme has to be Heston Blumenthal’s ‘Feasts’. Now, with a name like that (which sounds a bit like a poncy cheese) you expect his food to be different. His cuisine certainly takes more than a bit of imagination to understand; in fact, it takes a certain level of insanity. Seriously, who would wish to eat a mouse or whale sick? That aside, his experimental methods have lead to a whole new trend in gastronomy and have been copied by his many rivals who claim the techniques as their own. So I will forgive Heston, considering he has been to hell and back recently with Little Chef; just like his mustard ice cream, he has transformed Little Chef from something that sounds disgusting to something that is actually, really rather tasty.
So now we turn to our freedom-fighter chefs, those philanthropist do-gooders of the TV chef world. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Jamie Oliver have gone far and saved many a chicken and, for this, I absolutely love them. It’s a cruel world out there and those animals had better watch out because television butchery is all the rage (see ‘Kill it, Cook it, Eat it’ for an introduction to the process of meat-making - cute fluffy animals included). It is well documented that most chefs hate vegetarians and go out of their way to include a bit of nutritious meat in all their creations. This is why I would like to commend two chefs that have gone out on a limb to try to cater for them; Delia Smith and Simon Rimmer. The sad thing is they remain flesh-eating hypocrites because otherwise they would be a laughing stock to other chefs…but I’m sure they mean well.
We must not omit the upper-class food snobs and affiliate programmes, without whom we would not know about foie gras and polenta. The Queen of television cookery of course is Julia Childs, who introduced a bit of class to her simple French food. But she was never much of a hit in the UK, after all we had Fanny Craddock and Keith Floyd to show us how to decorate a lobster. With such royal connections, one would hope Tom Parker-Bowles would move out of Borough Market and move in to Buckingham Palace, but each to his own. Jay Rainer and his wild head of hair ditched us for the US in search of something more – but I’m certain he will return to his roots (if you will pardon the pun).
And finally, competitive food TV. Where would we be without a timer, a couple of rival cooks and some celebrity chefs to steer them in the right or wrong direction? Lloyd Grossman was legendary as a judge on ‘Masterchef’ for his snooty voice and flamboyant use of words - Ainsley Harriot has also done a fantastic job of keeping the competition alive, his all singing, all dancing antics with Suzy salt and Percy pepper bring out the inner child in all of us. Sadly, things have got serious lately - I would certainly think twice before entering the swing doors of Hell’s kitchen.
These are only a few of the lighter examples of the problem with television cookery; even if you are a recipe aficionado, it is unlikely you can follow the shows because most of the chefs seem to miss out their measurements – how convenient it is that you can get all the details in the accompanying cookbook. In essence, food programmes are just elongated advertising campaigns to increase sales.
So there you have it, if you want a recipe, buy the book - if you just want an easy-watching programme full of entertainers in a chef’s hats, continue to watch them. But gimmicks are not the enemy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with spending an evening in with the sexy Nigella, the crazy Ainsley or the angry Gordon; hell, its better than actually cooking something for yourself...